Warning Long Post

Last Night we watched Walk The Line which in itself was a really good movie. However I unfortunately hit a real downer with it. In the movie there is a scene where Johnny pins his 1st wife to the floor using his body, their children witness this and cry. It made me have a flash back which is nothing usual recently again :( Before I met D4s dad I was with a very very bad man. He was very abusive. Often when we were together he would start his ranting and raving and s##t I would send the children to their room. One day I walked into their room after an episode to find the children cowering together under the built in desk in Ss room.
This still haunts me to this day and as I said unfortunately I got a severe flashback last night I spent most of the movie crying. S17 was very supportive and I am very sori she had to see me at my worst.

What really brought me out of this depression was that after the movie I got on the internet and goggled Johnny Cash I listened to his music for a while this lead me to do a search on Neil Diamond. Ive always liked him. I found a beautiful new song (well I havent heard it before) of his. Its posted below along with the words.

This helped bring me up again. Then I went to bed and read a beautiful devotional. Its awesome how sometimes I miss my morning devotion and God gets me to read it later when its at its most useful. In the devotion it reminded me to call upon the Lord when life gets tough. The devotional compared God to a computer when something goes wrong with it and it tells you to call the systems administrator. Who is my systems admin?

"Who is this mighty Authority who has all the answers, who can recify all the errors and set us off again on the right course?" (Time Out for Coffee, Jeanette Lockerbie, 1978, p 117)

I then read the verses (and a few more following it) that went along with the devotional - Jeremiah 33:1-9.

^1-2I was still being held prisoner in the courtyard of the palace guards when the LORD told me:

I am the LORD, and I created the whole world. ^a]">[a] ³Ask me, and I will tell you things that you don't know and can't find out. ^4-5Many of the houses in Jerusalem and some of the buildings at the royal palace have been torn down to be used in repairing the walls to keep out the Babylonian attackers. ^b]">[b] Now there are empty spaces where the buildings once stood. But I am furious, and these spaces will be filled with the bodies of the people I kill. The people of Jerusalem will cry out to me for help, but they are evil, and I will ignore their prayers. ⁶Then someday, I will heal this place and my people as well, and let them enjoy unending peace. ^c]">[c] ⁷I will give this land to Israel and Judah once again, and I will make them as strong as they were before. ⁸They sinned and rebelled against me, but I will forgive them and take away their guilt. ⁹When that happens, all nations on earth will see the good things I have done for Jerusalem, and how I have given it complete peace. The nations will celebrate and praise and honor me, but they will also tremble with fear.

In the first verse it spoke to me of how I am at times still under the depression, post traumatic syndrome however God can help me and bring me out of it. He created all things and He has the power. I may be "torn down" however He promises in verse 6 to heal me and let me "enjoy unending peace" and He "will make [me] as strong as [I was] before. [I] sinned and rebelled (went my own way when searching for a man to make my life complete) against me, but [He forgave me] and took away [my guilt]. When that happens, all nations on earth will see the good things I have done" (I have been a witnesses to a special friend this last year through my faith in God). Again He promises peace in the last half of verse 9. I can "celebrate and praise and honour" Him because He brings me up when Im down. He is my systems administrator :)