Yesterday I was swallowed up in a deep dark hole
I couldnt see forward
I wailed I cried
I was lost
I was full of hopelessness
There was nothing I could do
it was hopeless
nor did I have the energy to do anything
I was completely drained
I couldnt stop the tears
the bucket of sorrow was pouring out
I couldnt do anything
the blackness took over
enveloping me
drowning me in its deep darkness
All I wanted to do was sleep and if I didnt wake again
so much the better
B14 came and told me the aim of a Facebook Game we have been playing
is to get married and have a baby
to live happily ever after
what is that
I dont know if it really happens
By the evening I began to remember who I was suppose to be
My own best friend
who was meant to nurture that special person
This morning Im feeling better
its not until I come out one of these episodes
that I realize what a mess I was in
A friend asked yesterday
what all this is doing to B14
upon reflection it makes me angry
that depression robbed us of a day of homeschooling
Im resentful that certain people have the ability to take me to the hole
throw me in
and leave me there
gloating
Its what they want
its not what I want
and so the fight goes on
3 comments:
Jen, my thoughts are with you and I admire your honesty. I haven't been feeling too flash this week either and have had a few low moments where I just wanted time alone to sleep and let it all out. I had to say to the girls I was sorry if I sounded grumpy or 'flat' and it wasn't them, it was all me and sometimes Mummy needs time out, but can't take herself away as she always has responsibilities. They were amazing, but I hate feeling that way. The weather really doesn't help either. I really hope you are feeling a bit better. Thinking of you, Sarah x
Oh, Jen.... I'm so so so so sorry that you're going through this, but I'm soooooooooooooooooooo proud of you that you are looking at it and seeing what's happening, it's effects, etc... day by day I hope those people's power over you will lessen.
Know that no matter how badly those people suck and try to hurt you, all your blogging budds are rooting for you and supporting you! They may gloat when you're down, but we're all here to give you a hand back up. *hug*
oh jen, so sorry you had a whole day of it. hope there's a bit more sunshine in your days now. hugs X
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